Wow, finally back from the main bulk of the VIP, which is the 4D3N, or rather 4D4N camp… but this is not why this post is about.

Just came back from the AAA’s inaugural meeting. Just looking at the name tells you it’s a dumb organization from beyond the known frontiers of space. And no, you really, don’t want to know the name. Seriously. Huh? You still want to know. Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you. It’s short for Advance Advisory Agency. Well, did that scare you? No, well, I guess you don’t know the affairs of my unit. So I’ll now tell you that story…

My Red Cross unit is back from the dead. Like a phoenix, it rises from its ashes, and turns, no remains in ashes. It has been in shambles, no, it slowly degraded in state from bad to worse to something beyond worst. Never would I have imagined something more terrifying, something more quintessential, and something more excruciating than death itself.

Well, couldn’t say that I’m washing hands in this story, since I caused some of the pandemonium that happened. Well, that’s that. And we shall leave it like that. When the new batch of ex-co came in, the 06/07 batch, that was the final blow to the coffin, the last domino to fall, the wrong UNO stacko block to take out. Previously the batch before at least managed to co-operate to certain extent, but this batch did not even have the leadership experience to begin with.

Forgive me for being melodramatic and full of drama-mama so far, but this is as close as I can get to a full 1080 HDTV experience, complete with 6.1 Dolby Surround Sound.

Oh, but it gets worse. Here’s where the AAA comes in. They think they’re here to take over the unit and restrore it to its full power. Well, in the real world, we have seen what is to be made of military coups, both in Thailand and Fiji. And they both turn out to be disasters. So was this.

Ironic isn’t it. They call themselves as advisors, but they are actually making decisions. Some statements I’ll quote from the president: “I’m here to make decision in place of out YO’s absence” and “Let’s make a decision and put it to a vote whether we could put guy X and guy Y back into their leadership posts in the EX-CO”. See what I mean?

So why didn’t I say anything. Well, I learnt the hard way that there’s always a time and place to shut up. And I also realized that my opinions hold no weight at all. So what am I doing here, as a Volunteer Instructor in this unit? I don’t know, I really don’t. And after seeing the reactions of some people, I seriously don’t want to be in it at all. I rather go to another school unit that is about to collapse and play a proactive role rather than be a SKP doing all the dirty work, washing dirty linen in public and be the first person they blame when something goes self-destruct. And what makes me so sure that’ll this happen. Well, it’s all in human nature. When anything goes wrong, the first thing humans do, even those with high intellect will look for someone to point their fingers to.

And it always ends up with me even though it isn’t my fault most of the time. And I’m beginning to hate being the black sheep. I know when people are willing to compromise with me and those who hide behind tonnes of makeup and veiled clouds, thinking I can’t see through their protective layers. But seventeen years is enough to teach me the different characters that human beings adopt. I’m not blind, I’ve ears, I can feel emotions, taste different feelings and smell the distinct taste of malice and backstabbing.

I don’t even know why I’m still doing all these things. Had I been given the choice, I would definitely want out. But it was sad, having my life dictated before me. They say you control fate, not vis-à-vis. Well, they haven’t seen my situation yet. It’s disheartening knowing that you tried your best and was just so helpless when you were kept pulling down by the suction of the water and the tsunami of humans trying to drown you.

Funny isn’t it, for you to rise up in life, you first have to put up with all the dirty work. Things that goes against your conscience. And beliefs and principles. To see your inner self going against the tide of humanity is so overwhelming that most people would do anything to stop it. But no, still they carry on. Humans love power, and once they taste it, they will want more of it. And the AAA thinks they can control the power? And where did this power come from? Was it imbued by the gods, or bestowed upon by the common folk? It was neither.

I feel so helpless that I can’t do anything to stop it. Why can’t people for once just stop for a moment and reflect on what’s to be done? Is time to pressing such that we can’t even stop for a split second? What are we all fighting for in this case? The existence of the unit? To stop the unit from collapsing? To continue the leadership line? To be able to make decisions for the unit? Or is all that we have fought for all this while a lost cause? One cause which could not even be remembered from the echelons of time?

Life is such a precious thing. A fragile one. I don’t want to be spending my life doing this dirty work. Neither do I want to be a bystander watching everything fade into a black hole. The latter is the worst, since you could only stand there and watch everything slip from your grasp, knowing it will never return. Knowing that you couldn’t even life a finger to help out.

I cried with Heaven the whole of yesterday but still, was it enough to turn the tide? To rekindle the warm feeling of humanity and conscience into the cold hearts of humans? Why must there still be suffering and pain? Why can’t it all stop? Then again, when will it ever stop? Only time can tell. And time can be an unforgiving teacher, which you would eventually lose your patience to.

Oh god, give me the strength to go through this difficult times ahead. Give the rest the strength to go through it with me as well. Open up their cold hearts to listen to the your teachings of kindness and friendship.

I can only wait, knowing that I wait in a small cell with no light shining through. Knowing that I’m powerless, feeble and culpable for every wrong there is. Only time can be my teacher in this walk of life, one which is dark, full of pitfalls, in a maze of alleys and dead ends. Only time will be patient enough to wait this out. Only time would I follow her teachings. Only time will tell if the actions of me, and those around me are wrong or right.